


Magic in the Air

by SmartCoffee



Category: 30 Rock
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23272951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmartCoffee/pseuds/SmartCoffee
Summary: Jack and Liz play a dangerous game. Tracy takes a trip and feels like a kid again. Kenneth acts like a goofball. The writers are a bunch of broken toys. I just added a new chapter as of September 2020.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

Jack: Lemon, you know I have to do this. You've left me no choice. I have to live with this for the rest of my life.

Liz: AAAAAH!

Jack shoots Liz through the temple with a Luger. He takes a moment to catch his breath. The gun goes in his briefcase. He leaves 30 Rock. He drops the gun into the Hudson River. He goes to Miami for a week and then comes back to his life in Manhattan.

\--------  
Tracy: I want 357 troll dolls.

Kenneth: But sir, where am I gonna get that many troll dolls? At least tell me I have a few days.

Tracy: You have an hour. Wait, I was using metric time, you have 38 minutes.

Dotcom: Why do you want trolls? They are just symbols of white cultural hegemony. Also, I don't know what you're calling metric time, but. . .

[Jenna bursts through the room]

Jenna: Tracy, Tracy, TGS is going to do a fake Swiss Miss ad where I'll be the star. Isn't that delicious?

Tracy: I think I'm gonna be sick.

Jenna: Don't be jealous just because the Ca-me-ra is going to shoot me longer than you this time. 

Tracy: Now I remember why I wanted those troll dolls. I had Lucky Charms for breakfast and then afterwards I had the idea that I should eat more magical food. Then I ate some magic mushrooms. I'm not sure how many I ate, but I was seeing a lot of cartoon characters. Lion-O told me that he needed 357 troll dolls in an hour otherwise Mumm-Ra would make the New York Knicks his slaves.

Dotcom: Tracy, what have I always said about using hallucinogens outside of culturally-grounded rituals?

Kenneth: Hush Mr. Dotcom! We can't let Mumm-Ra win. Not on my watch!


	2. Chapter 2

One Year earlier:

Liz eats a bowl of Froot Loops. She reads the back of the box, "Hey Kids! Educated consumers realize that cereal is terrible for nutrition. Use the maze to help Kellogs' Corp. find its way out of bankruptcy."

When she arrives, she sees Kenneth playing a harmonica.

Kenneth: "Make a little time for dancin' / Make some time for sweet romancin', WEEE-OOO"

Liz: Kenneth, do I even want to know?

Kenneth: Just rehearsing for the Page Pageant.

Liz: Oh. Okay.

Jenna: Lizzzz! I have the best news. I got an offer to do a TV spot.

Liz: Really? What's it for?

Jenna: So have you ever heard of spray-on hair that covers bald spots?

Liz: Jenna, I don't think this is such a good idea.

Jenna: Don't be silly. I would never endorse spray-on hair. I've doing an infomercial for spray-on teeth.

Tracy: GEOSTORM! GEO! STORM! GEOSTORM!

(Liz turns to Grizz.)

Liz: What's his problem?

Grizz: He saw Geostorm yesterday, that disaster movie with Gerard Butler? He's obsessed.

Tracy: We have to tell everyone that Taylor is the traitor. Taylor is the traitor. See it evens rhymes. That's how you know it's true.


	3. Chapter 3

The Writers’ Room

Lutz: Fuck Cerie, Marry Toofer, Kill Josh

Toofer: Just so you know, I would never agree to that.

Frank: Okay now me. Kill Josh. Marry Liz. Fuck Jamie the Delivery Guy.

Liz: You can’t be gay for just one guy. That’s not a thing.

Frank: See, I don’t get stuff like that. That’s why you’re a perfect wife for me. What about you?

Liz: Lord, give me strength. Fuck Hornberger, Marry Toofer, Kill Jack.

Cerie: Ewww Hornberger?

Hornberger: Hey. I resent that. She likes my animal magnetism. But why marry Toofer?

Liz: Smart, well-dressed, stays out of trouble. I could do worse. I have done worse.

Jack enters.  
Jack: But why kill Jack?  
Liz: Blerggg.


	4. Chapter 4

Jack: I know you're wrong for me. I'm rich. You're poor. I'm cultured. You have terrible taste. But Elizabeth Lemon, I am obsessed with you.

Liz: You are so gay.

Toofer (overhearing): Excusez moi?

Liz: Oh God. Not like that. I just meant that he sounded weak and sentimental. Which is not to say that gay men are necessarily. . . 

Toofer: Whoa, you're just digging yourself in deeper.

A week later

Liz (thinking): Jack is smarter than all my boyfriends. He makes more money. He's a better dresser. Why am I fighting him off? He's worth giving a try. Heck, if it goes bad, I'm sure I'll get at least half a mill in the divorce.

Jack: Lemon, we have to go over the numbers for TGS tonight. You'll remember?

Liz: I'll be there

That night. Jack's office

Liz: Jack, I've been thinking about how much you like me, and well, let's do this.

Jack: Let's do this?

Liz puckers her lips tightly and closes her eyes.

Jack: What is this? The school play?

Liz: Good one, sir. Lord, I can't call you sir anymore. That would be super weird.

Jack: Well, maybe sometimes, in certain situations, you could call me sir.

Liz: Blech. Oh that was a joke.

Jack: Haha. You caught me. Just a little joke. Yes, let's do this. I'm jazzed.

Two days later  
Carol (the pilot played by Matt Damon): Liz, I love you. I need you. I know we fought but I was wrong. I was a fool. You're quirky and beautiful. You know the names of all the characters in the Mos Eisley scene in Star Wars. You know exactly how long to microwave cheese. I'll never find anyone like you.

Liz: I'm sorry. It's too late, Carol.

Two years later  
Liz (thinking): I can't believe I'm Mrs. Elizabeth Lemon Donaghy. Well, not really. I'm not changing my name because I'm a professional and screw the patriarchy. But I married him.  
Jack (thinking): This is right. This feels right.

The day after that  
New York Times: A 747 went down in the Hudson River, killing everyone on board, passengers, crew, and pilot. There has been some confusion about the fatalities. Beloved comedic actress Carol Burnett was not on the plane. However the male pilot, in a coincidence, happened to be called Carol Burnett.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very loosely based on Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë


End file.
